VeggieRENT
by Ultra-Geek
Summary: What happens when Veggie Tales and RENT collide? Why, pure madness, of course! Written for challenge central


**Title: **Veggie RENT

**Summery: **What happens when Veggie Tales and RENT collide? Pure madness! Written for Challenge 28 of Challenge Central.

**Rating:** K+

**AN: **This story was inspired part challenge central, part a friend mentioning how entertaining it would be to see the RENT cast in various veggie-suits…

The loft was completely empty. Not a sound is being uttered. Suddenly, the lights dim, and a single spotlight is the only one on. A tomato, wearing a pair of thick rim glasses and a scarf, hops into the light. Taking a deep breath, he sings:

"If you like to film random people,

If starving artists make you smile,

If you like to play Musetta

All the time on your guitar-

Have we got a show for you!"

Behind the tomato, a cucumber in a leather jacket, a piece of celery wearing a black beanie, a piece of broccoli wearing a mini skirt, a carrot wearing an outrageously tight top, a lima bean who was hugging the carrot,and a squash that all the other vegetables were giving dirty looks, ushered in and stood behind the tomato. Together, they all sang:

"Veggie Rent, Veggie Rent, Veggie Rent, Veggie Rent,  
Veggie Rent, Veggie Rent, Veggie Rent, Veg-gie Rent.

"Life Support, AZT, got to be Veggie Rent!

Drama queens, Sell-outs and Yuppie Scum, Veggie Rent!

Heatless lofts, lesbians, tall drag queens, Veggie Rent!

"There's never ever ever ever ever  
Been a show like Veggie Rent!  
There's never ever ever ever ever  
Been a show like Veggie Rent!

It's time for Veggie Reeee-eeeee-eeeeent!"

And with that, all of the vegetables slide off somewhere. The lights go off completely. After a few seconds and what sounds like the squash being pushed off down some stairs, the lights come back on. Standing in the middle of the loft is the cucumber in the leather jacket. But, instead of having a leather jacket, he is now wearing only a towel. A voice that sounds suspiciously like Angel's comes from the ceiling.

"Our show begins as Roger, having just finished his morning shower, is searching for his guitar. Having no success, he starts crying out:"

The cucumber looks quite distressed, and begins singing. "Oh where is my guitar? Oh where is my guitar? Oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where, oh, where oh, where ... is my guitar?"

The voice continues. "Having heard his cry, Tom Collins enters the scene. Quite unperturbed at seeing Roger in only a towel, he doesn't even wonder why he wants the guitar, he reports:"

"I think I saw the guitar over there!"

Roger sings again. "Back there is my guitar. Back there is my guitar. Back there, back there, oh, where, back there, oh, where, oh, where, back  
there, back there, back there ... is my guitar?"

Angel starts again. "Having heard his joyous proclamation, Mimi the broccoli enters the scene. Quite turned on by the sight of Roger in a towel, she quickly regains her composure and comments:"

"Why do you need a guitar? You're not even dressed yet."

Angel comments again. "Roger is taken aback. The thought never occurred to him. Not dressed? What had become of his clothes? Roger wonders…"

The cucumber looks very forlorn by this point. "No clothes to play guitar in. No clothes to play guitar in. No clothes, no clothes, no where, no clothes, no clothes, no clothes, no where back there, no clothes…to play guitar in."

Angel resumes her commentary. "Having heard his wonderings, Mark the Tomato enters the scene. Quite unperturbed at seeing Roger in only a towel, he doesn't even wonder why he wants the guitar, he confesses:"

"Well, you were out of picks, and your E string was broken, so I brought it down to the music repair place…to be repaired."

Angel continues. "Feeling a deep sense of releif, Roger sits on the couch and sings:"

"How cool! Oh, my guitar! Oh cool, for my guitar! How cool, how cool, no clothes, how cool, no where, how cool, how cool, my guitar!"

"Having heard his singing, Maureen enters the scene. She is  
carrying a guitar case. She is unperturbed at seeing Roger in a towel, and hands him the case. Recognizing Maureen's generosity, Roger thanks her."

"Thanks for bringing it back!"

Angel has a smile in her voice. "Yes, good has been done here. Maureen exits the scene. Roger, realizing something, swears as loud as he can."

"No picks for my guitar. No picks, no picks, no picks, no picks, no picks…for my guitar."

The lights fade out again. When they come back on, Roger is once again standing in the center of the loft. He is now fully clothed and wearing his leather jacket. Angel's voice comes back, announcing proudly, "And now it's time for silly songs with Roger! This is the part that Roger comes and sings a silly song!"

Roger sings again. "The Exotic-dancer song!" He bows, and then begins again. "Everybody has an exotic-dancer girl! Yours is slow and mine is fast. Everybody has and exotic-dancer girl! Oh, where do you get them I don't know…But everyone's got an exotic dancer girl! I took my dancer to the store, then she stuck her head in the door. The checkout guy eyed her up! Oh, everybody's got an-"

Mark the tomato comes in, looking quite furious. "Stop it! Stop! Stop this instant! What do you think you are doing?" Roger stops, looking quite confused. "You can't say that everybody's got an exotic-dancer girl when everybody obviously doesn't! We're going to get all sorts of nasty mail saying 'I don't have an exotic dancer girl. Where's my exotic dancer girl? Are you prepared for that? Now stop being so silly!"

You can hear Angel's eyes rolling as she says. "Don't mind him, he's just jealous 'cause he got left for a woman." At which Mark looks indignant and hops away. "This has been Silly Songs with Roger. Join us next time during Silly Songs with Roger in which Roger sings about…"

"Everybody has a piece of yuppie scum, yours has hair and mine does not. Everybody has a piece of yuppie scum…"

You could hear Mark from another room. "Good lord…"

The lights turn off. Again. When they come back on, the loft is empty. Once again, Angel's voice echoes from the heavens. "And this has been Veggie-Rent." All of the cast, including Joanne and Benny who weren't actually in the show, came out and bow. "Join us next time!"

The lights turn off, and this time, they _stay _off.


End file.
